Inside the Mind of a Me

Today I had some free time at work, so I pulled out some scrap paper, picked up a pen and wrote this:

I feel bored. I feel like there is something I want/need to do but can't do here. I want to run about loony-like, as I was last night. I VERY MUCH want to read A Wizard of Mars. I shouldn't have been reading Wizards at War last night: I only reopened the wound. The jolt of energy I got when I touched a 'Young Wizards' book last night has not been let out properly yet. I want to run and yell. I always do. That is why they are my favourite books. Other books may be better structurally, but they don't affect me the way YW does.

And the next book is going to be a Kit book! Nita used to be my favourite character, but now we have seen inside Kit's head, I think he is. He's so cool, and he has his own style. Nita is still borrowing others' styles.

Ahh, I'm feeling the pull of the imaginary. I need to take a trip there. Now. I can always come back later. It is hard being at work when I feel like this. I need to be alone with a good book, or with pen and paper, or with a great fantasy movie. I kind of feel like watching Pirates of the Caribbean. I want to go see good ol' Captain Jack Sparrow.

Doing art and reading my way (slowly) to the end of The Sandman is taking the edge off things. Writing my own story helps too. Or wait, is that causing the trouble? I mean, I wrote a lot last week, and then on the weekend I got the calling again, renewed.

Should I figure out some way to channel the lion's share of the calling into my writing efforts? If I could figure out how to do that, I would get so much done. I would have Acorn's story finished within a few days, and be well onto the next by spring break. It is also good to save some of the calling for my art. I got some good stuff done over the weekend. I am proud of that.

I need to find some way of making sure that whenever I read or watch something, that I am charging. At the moment that is not so. Sometimes when I read or watch stuff, I am letting it out. No, I need to charge my creativity. How? Maybe if I take the time to think about why I enjoyed something, that will inspire me to put what I learned into practice.

Another thought. Writing this piece is letting some of my urgent inspiration out. It is not so urgent anymore. I am not writing as fast as I was a minute ago. Have I done something bad?

Moo, I ran down. How awful. No . . . inspiration . . . fading. Must . . . . recharge . . . . . __________

BTW, it's 3.05. I have 70 minutes to kill.

What if I make a charging ritual? What do I associate with increases in creative power? I ought to make a list of books that have a good noticeable impact on my creative power; books I can re-read when I am feeling poor. YW obviously should be written at the top of the list. The next down should be The Sandman because it had already demonstrated itself with the Mara story. What else? Hmm . . .

55 minutes to kill.

Let's just say anything by Neil Gaiman. I think I need to read more Discworld books to make myself more funny.

45 minutes to kill.

I ate grapefruit yesterday. I will eat it again today. I will also draw. I will work on that blue thingy that I don't know what it is. I also need to clean a little. I am doing nothing now but writing random things, so I can spend half an hour when I get home on cleaning, can't I?

I need to go to the toilet. I will go do that now. Okay, I'm back.

35 minutes to kill.

I have tried to associate the green star necklace with creative power. Have I succeeded yet? Hmm, not really.

Should I blog this rambling whatever that I am writing now? This direct transfer of random thought to written word? Would that tell people too much about me? Would they think I am weird? Am I weird? I don't know what other people look like from the inside of their heads, so I don't know how I compare.

This is not an accurate protrayal of how I think anyway. I think too fast for me to write everything down. I wonder what percentage of my thoughts I am catching here.

I have 'Train train' in my head. I guess it must have been played during lunch or cleaning time. When I write 'cleaning' by hand it looks like 'deaning.' My writing is very messy. I guess that's just one more thing to convince me to be a writer. Don't most writers have messy handwriting? Like there's no time to care about the writing style because we are all too busy just trying to capture alll of the fleeting thoughts and get them recorded on the nice paper (computer screen).

I read an article in New Scientist magazine, how many years ago now? It was about how in a decade's time or so they might be able to make paper computer screens tha can be rolled up. Imagine that. If I had one, it would get rumpled within two minutes and irrepairably damaged within four. And I take good care of my stuff compared to other people.

25 minutes to kill.

I just thought of Rumplestiltskin.

The article also talked about how product wrappers will be little computer screens capable of playing videos on them to attract customers. I can imagine all too well what it would be like to visit Japan after that technology becomes widely available. Buy a bottle of tea and find some lethally cute thing jumping around all over the outside of it and doing little dances. Oh no! All foreigners who come to Japan will die of the horrible cuteness! And then they will go to Korea and die again! Because Korea has caught the cuteness fever!

15 minutes to kill.

How come everytime I look at the clock, exactly 10 minutes have passed? This is getting weird. And it never feels like ten minutes, more like five. Is that just another example of my terrible time sense? Or is time flying because I am having fun? I usually have fun when I am writing. Most people hate having to write more than 100 words at once. I love writing 1,000 or 2,000 all in one day. It just makes me happy. As long as it is something I want to write, then writing is one of my favourite things. It cheers me up when I am down, and calms me when I am frustrated. I really ought to write more. I must have written 5 or 6,000 word last week all together. No, probably more like 7,000. Excellent.

We had kinako bread with school lunch today. That stuff is so difficult and messy to eat. But yummy. Who would have thought a hotdog roll covered in oiled, sugared bean powder would taste so good? I can eat it again when I get home because I got a spare one. Maybe I will eat it with my grapefruit. I won't be able to save it until breakfast tomorrow. It will lead me into temptation long before then. Did I just quote a Christian prayer? How rare.

I am onto my sixth sheet of paper. Sure, I am writing big and only on one side. (because there is something on the other) but even so, this is getting long. Maybe I will not write this on blogger after all. I will intend to but then procrastinate, because it will take so long to type out.

No! Do not be so lazy!

I am hungry. Maybe I should put the kinako bread in my bag so I can't keep looking at it. it's tempting me already.

Still no snow that lasts more than a couple of hours. The real snow is a month late now. I have only been in a country that has winter snows for a few years, and already it doesn't feel like winter without it.

5 minutes to kill. Didn't I write '70 minutes to kill' not so long ago? I guess it must have actually been 65 minutes ago, unless there is something seriously wrong with the clock.

Stop looking at me, kinako bread.

The third grade boys are singing in the corridor. How old are they supposed to be again? Older than they act, surely. They are not as interesting as last year's 3rd graders. The girls too. I know that is not a nice thing to say, but it is true. They really are a 'broken class.' They are only just getting better now, but they will be split up forever in a few weeks. Too little, too late.

My hand hurts. But it is time to go home now, so that's okay.

Wow, finished. Sorry about that. I ended up cutting some things out because it was taking so long to write. The actual version was about 15% longer. Maybe 20%. I think everyone should try doing this, at least once. Just write down as many of your random thoughts as you can as you think them and then read over them afterwards and look for patterns, be amused etc.